my heart is open
by stainedheart
Summary: Tyson could break her heart in many pieces, Cesaro was always there to put them back together. Cesaro/Natalya. Two-shot.
1. I

**A/N: **This fic popped in my mind because of their Smackdown interaction last week, but this is a pairing I hold dear to my heart, and this whole thing going on between them and Tyson screams fic material. This was supposed to be a ficlet but somehow I had eight Word pages and half story. That happens a lot to me. This will probably be a two-shot, but for the time being enjoy the chapter. The title is a Maroon 5 song from their latest album.

* * *

**i.**

For Cesaro it started with a phrase.

He was a practical man, focused on his own career and work. Gossip was something very distant of his reality, and the Swiss avoided any kind of conversation that could lead to bad words about his colleagues and superiors. After years of working as a wrestler, he knew how to excuse himself from speculations without sounding too cold and he took pride in being considered one of the wrestlers with better work ethics in the WWE.

If he knew one or two things was mostly because of Seth – with who Cesaro shared a passion for Crossfit -, but the two-toned man also despised second handed information, and so Cesaro could consider himself shielded from that.

Working with Tyson Kidd was by far one of the best things that could have happened to Cesaro. Was there any bitter feelings towards his tragic 2014? Maybe, but the prospect of being on a team with another great talent made things better. Plus, they knew each other from before WWE, so adjusting their styles and finding the right tune was so much easier than with Jack.

As someone who wasn't involved in gossip of any kind and as one of the few people in the whole roster who didn't care about Total Divas (or any reality show) Cesaro was sure that the marriage fiasco was just another thing to boost ratings, knowing both Tyson and Natalya enough to trust ethic when working (as for personal feelings he felt better not judging).

The three of them were sitting on catering after Cesaro and Tyson worked over the spots they would do on their match against Los Matadores. The Swiss felt the tension, but to him it had more to with the pre-tapings feelings than with something else.

Natalya tapped her fingers against the table, eyes focused on her husband. Tyson seemed in his own world, headphones on as he ignored his wife.

"So…" The blonde woman began, clearly trying to make her husband look at her. "Mark Carrano told me I'll be on this new angle with Paige and the Bellas."

Cesaro nodded, but it was obvious that she wasn't talking to him. "Maybe they can even squeeze me on a championship match."

Tyson turned to her, seeming like he just now realized his wife had been sitting there the whole time. "Good."

"Maybe," Natalya went on, happy now that her husband was paying attention to her, "_Maybe_, if AJ can't go back in time for Wrestlemania, _maybe_ I can even be on a fatal four way." Tyson looked at her as if she was saying some stupid thing and Cesaro forced himself to drink his coffee just to have something else to focus on. "Of course this depends on so many things, on AJ's return date, on how many matches they will want on the card, on how the angle will go, on who they'll want as champion after…" The blonde-haired woman sighed, pushing a lock of hair from her face. "But it makes sense for me to be champion again this year, don't you think?" Cesaro nodded again, this time being acknowledged. "I mean, Charlotte will definitely be called up this year and they'll want _me_ to put her over, because of Takeover and…"

"Sure thing." Tyson said and with a hand gestured that meant something like _this is bullshit. _"Nattie, you're talking too much." He went on. "Cesaro and I are trying to focus here, _we _have a match in…" He looked at his phone "Twenty minutes and we can't get into our game mood if you keep babbling nonsense."

Cesaro didn't know if it was the way Tyson spoke or the fact that he called his wife's aspirations nonsense that made Natalya sink into her seat and move awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" Natalya started, being quickly silenced by a tired Tyson.

"You _never _mean to." He interrupted, going back to his particular world. What he thought about seemed a mystery even to Natalya.

Cesaro felt the need to say something, but even his "You are not disturbing me" seemed too weak and condescending.

"It's okay." Natalya offered him a smile that was a mix of embarrassment and sadness, a sight that made his insides twist in a not pleasant way. "I'll let you guys focus."

As Natalya got up and left the place Cesaro was left with a silent Tyson, a cold coffee – that he drank nonetheless, pure habit – and a weird heavy feeling that wasn't there when he arrived the arena that afternoon.

He finished his coffee before going to gorilla position, but as he moved alongside Tyson, he realized that the bitter taste in his mouth wasn't from his coffee. It was him.

* * *

**ii.**

For Natalya it started with (almost) holding hands.

The more that thing went on the less she liked the overall direction of it. Losing at Royal Rumble was like a kick to her stomach – even it was a forearm to her face. Of course she would be the one used to put young talent – Paige, in this case – over, but was it too much dream with a world in which she would be given another chance?

The blizzard left her in the dark about her whole situation, but by Thursday she knew she was being thrown out of the title picture. Paige versus Nikki was what the higher ups – read: Vince – wanted, but they appreciated her willingness to help others and maybe they could come up with something for her later on.

(Natalya almost, _almost_ dared Mark Carrano to give her another stupid farting gimmick)

It would be a lot easier if TJ had the decency to feel bad for her, but he seemed too busy with his own business to care about her failed attempts at glory.

If asked about it Natalya couldn't pinpoint the exactly moment in which their marriage went from a fairytale to a Shakespearian tragedy. Maybe it was the countless hours of travels, the stress of working too much and sleeping too little, the pressure and the lack of time to step aside and be a couple. Maybe it was a mix of all those things or neither of them; whatever it was, it _hurt_.

The way TJ looked at her was almost unbearable. He looked at her as if she was a burden, as she was a leech he couldn't get rid of. And this when he looked _at_ her, sometimes he just looked _through _her as if she was invisible. It gave Natalya a feeling of being suffocated, lungs slowly losing precious oxygen.

In the beginning, Natalya had hopes that it was his character, a thick layer constructed inside Dusty Rhodes' office, a product of their imagination that TJ deemed too good to throw away when he was not in the ring. Time went by; days turned into weeks that turned into months, and when questioned about his behavior TJ only looked at her like she was crazy.

That day could be the start of a new chapter for the tag team, and Natalya quietly moved to the background, even refusing to chat with Naomi while they all waited for their cue to go down the ramp.

She watched TJ's match with legit interest, as not even a sour marriage could take away her love for wrestling and beneath the (pilling) layers of sadness there was a pride of being with someone as talented as her husband.

Cesaro watched with her, casually sliding in and out of his character. When he looked at the ring his expression was serious and he shouted all the time: At TJ, telling him what to do, at Jey, telling him he was bad, at the referee, telling him to count faster. When he turned to Natalya, however, there was kindness in his eyes and his lips curved on a real smile, not the sarcastic one he kept giving her when that whole thing began.

When the match was over and TJ won it, both Cesaro and Natalya celebrated, running towards her husband. And then it happened. It was a spam of seconds, not even this, but their hands touched. For a brief second Natalya almost held his hand, but she quickly moved to hold his arm.

Reluctantly she kissed TJ – he deserved a kiss for the win, but didn't for many other reasons – but when she turned around Cesaro was there, smiling at her. It was just seconds, but looking at him Natalya wished it lasted more. Her fingers seemed ticklish and when TJ reached for her hand she moved to the opposite side, just so she could keep that feeling for a longer time.

* * *

**iii.**

Nothing changed, but at the same time it did.

If before Cesaro credited the travels for Tyson's behavior now he just credited his co-worker's character for it. (He had somehow gone one step down the friendship ladder). If before Cesaro felt just awkward when Tyson said something bad to Natalya, as if he was watching something he shouldn't, now he felt something different. Disgust. Who would treat a woman like that?

Tyson Kidd, apparently.

If before Natalya would only retreat and be quiet when Tyson hurt her now she would talk back, not angry or loud, but with some strength in her voice that indicated she wouldn't take his shit. The blonde woman had no idea where that strength came from, but some part of her brain felt it was of extreme importance that Cesaro knew she wasn't suffering, she was fighting.

Natalya saw herself gravitating more towards Cesaro when the three were together planning matches, and even when they were wrestling she seemed to pay more attention to his moves. He couldn't give her high fives to not break character, but once they were back at backstage he would thank her.

She liked Cesaro. He was talented, smart and never asked too many questions about her personal life. He had the habit of leaning towards her when they were talking, and even if their bodies never touched she felt a strange warmth in her body, a feeling she was sure she once felt for Tyson, but that was long gone; Natalya didn't know if Cesaro bringing that feeling back was good or not.

* * *

**iv.**

"I'm sorry about that." Were the first words she heard once she arrived backstage and Natalya was confused, turning around to find a slightly embarrassed Cesaro.

"Sorry about what?" She asked.

"About _that_." He motioned towards the ramp. "Yelling at you."

Natalya smiled, making him feel a lot better. "It's okay, you don't need to apologize for being in character."

Cesaro was glad that she understood it – she was an exceptional worker, she would understand it – but he felt the need to make sure of that. He would never treat a woman like that and Natalya needed to know it.

Natalya, on the other hand, was surprised with that action. The Divas would always apologize to each other if they messed up, hit too hard or said something bad, she was used to have that kind of understanding with the girls. Tyson never apologized, not even once, for being an asshole to her.

"I'm just saying that if I could change anything," Cesaro went on "I would change the way we treat you. This isn't right."

The word _we _lingered in the air between them like a curse. Natalya knew who _we _meant, and it gave her some sort of anxiety, like Cesaro was trying to imply something.

_What? _She thought, bitter. _He doesn't need to imply anything, it is very explicit._

The silence became heavier, dense with tension neither could understand. As Natalya didn't make a comment on his words Cesaro wasn't sure of what to say next.

What could she say after that? _Many things_, her mind told her, but they all sounded like lies. Did TJ treat her right? Was Cesaro wrong? No was to answer to both questions and Natalya felt that strange feeling of suffocating again. It just got better when she looked at Cesaro.

It was weird to be feeling so good just by looking at someone, but Natalya hadn't felt good in so long she was willing to take any kind of positive sensation she could feel. She would have to sit down and understand what was going on, but as she walked back to catering with Cesaro she decided that it could wait.

* * *

**v.**

If Cesaro could see the future, he would do anything to (not) make it happen.

The more time he spent with Natalya the more he felt something was changing in the core of their relationship. They went from acquaintances to colleagues to friends to _very good _friends in a spam of months.

Natalya, for the most part of the time, was a good company to keep close. The only moments their friendship seemed superficial were the ones in which Tyson deliberately decided to ignore Natalya or answer her questions with one or two words.

Cesaro didn't know why the Canadian man did that, what he was trying to prove with that attitude, especially because he never treated Natalya _too _bad when others were around. Was he trying to prove to himself that Natalya wasn't the most successful one?

It never crossed Cesaro's mind to ask Tyson was going on, because by the other's behavior it was obvious that he would never answer, he lived in a world where he was better than that, certainly better than his wife. But not better than Cesaro, of that the Swiss was sure.

Natalya was too good for that, Cesaro thought as he watched Tyson ignore her again. It was one thing to play a character, but to treat like that outside of the ring was too much, someone needed to do something, might as well be him.

* * *

**vi.**

"You were supposed to stay closer." Tyson carefully put his jacket and earphones down, not bothering to look at her.

During Raw things were hectic, people running from one side to the other, script changing, wrestlers rushing to the app interviews to wrestle to backstage, crew nervously making sure things were going according to the plan.

The three of them, however, were back from another match against the Usos and although Naomi called Natalya's name countless times as they arrived backstage the blonde woman just followed Tyson instead.

Cesaro felt like a lost dog, not knowing where to go. When they won Tyson was always in good mood, inviting him to discuss further possibilities over coffee while they watched the rest of the show, but when they lost – like tonight – he just got his things and walked restlessly backstage, finding ways to blame it on his wife.

On these days Cesaro didn't want to be around Tyson, but he wouldn't let Natalya alone with him unless one or both of them asked him to. As no one said anything, he followed the Canadians, an upset Tyson crossing his arms over his chest, looking at Natalya as she tried to calm him down.

"I know, but this dress is…" Natalya began, but a hoarse laugh cut her off.

"Nattie, I know that you're upset they pulled you from that Paige-Bellas storyline," Tyson looked at her, a sarcastic smile all over his face. Yet, Cesaro hoped something good would come out of that phrase. "But you can't just let your feelings spoil _our _storyline." He motioned towards himself and Cesaro. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for this chance?" Not a word from Natalya. "We're building something here, Nattie!" Cesaro shifted awkwardly, looking around but no one seemed to notice what was going on, Tyson's tone was calm and low. "Don't you dare try to take away _my _spotlight because you were relegated to eye candy!"

In other circumstances Cesaro would have been angry by the use of _my _instead of _our_; Tyson was talented, but that was a team, both were responsible by the positive reviews they were getting from the fans and higher ups. But this wasn't other circumstances and all he could think about was Natalya having to listen to all of that. He didn't dare to look at her, not yet, or he would crumble.

"TJ, I'm your biggest fan and supporter, you know that!" She pledged, voice trembling. Her voice sounded like pure despair. "I'm so proud of you! You two!" Natalya added, quickly glancing at Cesaro.

"Then act like it!" He picked up his things, walking away. "I already booked my flight home, talk to you there."

Natalya looked down, not knowing what to do. She barely noticed the big hand on her shoulder and almost jumped when Cesaro spoke closer to her ear.

"Come on, let's drink some coffee."

* * *

**vii.**

Tyson could break her heart in many pieces, Cesaro was always there to put them back together.

"How many excuses are you going to find?"

His voice sounded excessively loud amidst the silence that prevailed in the car. Natalya looked down at her coffee, now cold.

"I don't-" She started saying, but was cut off by the Swiss.

"I think you do." He said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Natalya noticed that the first buttons of his shirt were open and it frankly looked a number smaller than what he should wear, but sitting there in the car Cesaro looked both scary and attractive.

Natalya looked outside of the window, a hand brushing her hair out of her face. "I don't have excuses, it's… It's difficult, okay?" She bit her lower lip and looked down at her own shoes, not wanting to face him. "You don't understand, we… We've known each other for 17 years, sometimes it's hard, but we're married, I can't simply give up on my marriage, can I?"

_Of course you can_. A small voice said inside her head. Strangely, that voice sounded just like Cesaro's, but Natalya ignored it.

"I'm not…" This was Cesaro's time to stop in the middle of a sentence. "I'm just saying that _enough is enough, it's time for a change_."

Somehow this managed to make her smile, and Natalya thought that only Cesaro would manage to do that right now. The silence in between them got more comfortable while he allowed the words to sink in her mind.

"Do you love him?"

"I do." Her answer came almost automatically, sounding off to herself. Natalya always had to answer that question to her parents and sisters, friends, media and mostly to herself. It just came naturally, almost like breathing. 17 years meant something. Or should, at least.

"I don't think you do." This came as surprise to both. Cesaro didn't know what made him say that, but the memory of Tyson telling her to not take away _his _spotlight probably had something to do with it. "I think you're just too used to it and too scared to change it."

Again, he gave her time to let that sink in, afraid that she would slap him, get out of the car and run away, but Natalya kept sitting there by his side, hands cupping her coffee as she said nothing.

Many times she opened her mouth, ready to say he was wrong, she wasn't scared, but the words got cut in her throat and she stayed silent. Natalya noticed his hand moving until it was resting on hers, a faint memory of the first time they touched coming to her mind. For a moment she let herself enjoy Cesaro's warmth, not ready to let go.

"And what do you want me to do?" She finally asked, looking at him again. His face had a serious expression that she couldn't read.

Calmly he moved closer to her, looking for any sign that told him to do otherwise. If Natalya felt uncomfortable with their proximity she didn't say it, and he stayed like that for some time before moving even closer and finally kissing her.

It didn't really come as a surprise to neither of them, it actually felt right. His hand held hers the whole time, and although Natalya could feel something sensual on his kiss – or she wanted to – it was as chaste as it could be.

When they broke the kiss he stayed quiet, looking at her, trying to guess what was going on inside her mind, but he didn't even know what was going on inside _his._

"Come with me." He said, squeezing her hand slightly.

"I have a flight home tomorrow morning, I-" Natalya looked at their hands and then back at him. "I don't want to go back."

In his subconscious Cesaro knew that would be her answer and yet it made him smile, even if he shouldn't. "We have two days off, we can go somewhere else and then go to… Whatever city we have to go."

Natalya let out a laugh, half amused, half nervous. "This is crazy, I have almost no clothes in my bag-"

"You won't need them." There was an implication on that phrase that made Natalya feel butterflies on her stomach and she was sure Cesaro could feel her hand trembling.

For a moment he thought she would go, this time for real. The innuendo in his sentence maybe being too much, what it meant, what it _really _meant being more than what Natalya could take. She looked at outside the window and Cesaro didn't know what to think or do.

"Start the car." Her voice startled him and Cesaro raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to ask her if she was sure about it. "We have to decide where to go, we can't stay inside a car in the middle of nowhere, this gives me terrible Total Divas flashbacks." She chuckled (it still sounded nervous, but not so much) and turned to face him. What she could see on his face Cesaro didn't know, but he could see determination on hers. And no sadness. "I'm sure of this, I want to… I want to change the situation. And I will, but not now."

With one last squeeze he let go of her hand, starting the car. He didn't think too much about what they were doing, too scared that the thoughts would ruin the moment. The only thing that he knew was that for the first time in many months Natalya seemed whole. Because of him.


	2. II

**A/N: **Wow, this took me way longer than I expected, and I don't even know why. Just recently I had the right idea to finish this chapter. While the first chapter was slipt this one is more focused on Natalya and how she feels. While the fic's title comes from a Maroon 5 song this chapter was written based on Tove Lo's Not on drugs and Thousand Miles, both amazing songs. Also, one of the scenes were based on one of my favorite Game of Thrones scene, one in between Cersei and Robert, the biggest example of marrige gone wrong. That's all, I hope you enjoy the end and if you like it or not send me a review, it would make me happy!

* * *

**i.**

_[Nicole] Nattie, TJ just called looking for you, I told him you're here. Where are you?_

_[Nicole] No, seriously, where are you? TJ told me you were supposed to arrive Florida this morning._

_[Nicole] I'm worried with you! Where are you?_

_[Nicole] Answer my goddamn messages, Nattie! You owe me one!_

Natalya looked at her phone, she should answer those messages. TJ had called her twice, left a voicemail that said _Come on Nattie, you're staying at a cheap hotel again? Is Rosa there with you?_

No, Rosa wasn't there with her. Natalya looked at the sky, brushing one hand through her hair. There was a part of her heart that was heavy with guilty, desperate to call TJ and tell him what she had done, beg him for his forgiveness. Then she remembered all the times TJ treated her bad when he didn't need to, all the bad words and lack of touches and that part disappeared, giving space to the part of her heart that was happy.

_[Nattie] I had an argument with TJ and didn't want to go home. I'm at a hotel, don't worry Nicole, I'm fine._

After making sure that the message was delivered Natalya turned her phone off, not ready to deal with whatever the real world had in store for her. A noise at the door called her attention and the blonde woman turned around.

"Good morning." Cesaro stopped by the door, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Morning."

The mood in between them wasn't uncomfortable per se, they just… Didn't know how to deal with the situation. Natalya left her phone on the nightstand, walking towards Cesaro.

She touched his arms softly, propping herself up to kiss him. That desperate part of her heart thought that if she kissed him now, during the day, she would realize that this wasn't what she wanted, that it was all sadness and vulnerability. That desperate part of her heart was sure that once she kissed Cesaro she would realize that it was a mistake.

And yet when he moved his arms and cupped her face all she could do was smile. When they broke the kiss and she looked at him her smile grew, her heart pounding against her chest. The desperate part of her heart became smaller with each time Cesaro smiled at her.

"I think we should talk." He spoke against her lips, not backing away from her.

Natalya looked at his eyes, not sure of what she saw there. Whatever it was, it made her heart race and she feel lightheaded.

"Not now." There were many things to be said and discussed, but she would need to go back to work, to her life and to her _husband _in one day, she didn't want to talk about those things. "Not now." She repeated, kissing him again. They would talk, but first they should kiss.

* * *

**ii.**

"I saw you and Cesaro."

The voice surprised her and Natalya jumped on her seat, turning around to see a smirking Naomi.

"Cesaro and I?" The Canadian asked, feeling extremely nervous.

"Yes girl, I saw the way you looked at each other when we were recording that segment." Naomi raised an eyebrow in a gesture that clearly said _girl I dare you to lie to me. _It couldn't be any other way with her.

It was an overall awkward segment to record. Natalya wasn't the best actress out there, and the fact that she had to be with Tyson only made things worse. They weren't talking and the blonde Canadian didn't feel like making anything to change that.

"Nattie," Naomi's voice was soft as she sat down besides Natalya. "I'm not judging you, you know? I know that it must be a _real _struggle to be married to Tyson." She stopped talking, waiting for a scorn that never came. To that she looked at Natalya half surprised, half proud. "And let's face it, Cesaro is hot. Don't let Jimmy know I said this, though." Both women chuckled. "So if you two are…" Naomi made a vague gesture with her hand. "You know, I can understand it, like I said, I'm not judging and if you need anything, _anything at all_, I'm here for you, okay?"

She reached out for Natalya's hand and squeezed it softly. Looking at that gesture, Naomi's hand holding hers, Natalya wanted to cry. She looked back at her best friend, seeing nothing but kindness in Naomi's eyes.

"Thanks." She muttered, looking at her own feet. Listening to advice from Naomi would be good, but she wasn't certain about where she stood with Cesaro, where Tyson fit into that equation and what her life would be from that point on, so all she did was hold Naomi's hand.

* * *

**iii.**

A part of her still hoped.

It still hoped that she would magically go back to the days she didn't have eyes for any other man besides TJ, it still hoped she wouldn't keep remembering the way Cesaro kissed her, it still hoped she wouldn't feel the ghost of his touch on her skin. But she did. And it was killing her for all the wrong reasons.

* * *

**iv.**

To Cesaro it seemed like an eternity.

From the moment he realized he was indeed in love with Natalya to the moment she told him to start the car and drive them somewhere he felt like a lifetime passed. Moments of anger, hesitation and some sort of sadness passed by until that day, and yet when he looked back he wouldn't change a thing.

Her kisses were shy at first and he could feel a small shaking in her hands as she touched his shoulders. All the time Cesaro was paying attention to her reactions. If she showed the slightly discomfort he would let go of her, but there was only nervousness.

He too was nervous, thinking about how wrong that thing was. It wasn't like him to do that to a colleague, to let himself be caught into this kind of situation. Cesaro was a rational man, he should let his mind take control of his feelings. And yet when he looked at Natalya all he could think about was how many other times he could kiss her.

It turned out to be many times, but not enough for him. With Natalya nothing was enough for him; not enough kisses, not enough touches, not enough time together. Inside that hotel room he could satisfy his craving, keeping her closer to him all the time, kissing and touching her as she smiled. He just wondered if that would always be like that.

* * *

**v.**

Kissing him was strange.

Before Natalya cherished the moments she could hold TJ's hand and kiss his cheek after he won a match, but now she felt like her hand didn't belong with his, she shouldn't be kissing him, not when Cesaro was there.

"So you're still giving me a cold shoulder?" TJ asked as soon as they were back at backstage. Cesaro quickly disappeared and Natalya wished he were there.

The Canadian crossed her arms in front of her chest, sighing. If this was before the fact that TJ was the one to make the first move would make her happy, she would see it as a sign that he wanted things in between them to be back to normal. But Natalya wasn't the same, the part of her heart that longed for TJ to be back was smaller.

"I'm not giving you a cold shoulder, TJ." Even her voice seemed different when she talked to him and Natalya asked herself if TJ noticed it too. "I'm just treating you like you treat me."

His eyes widened. TJ obviously wasn't expecting this. "And what exactly does this mean?"

He noticed, Natalya realized. TJ was caught up in his own work but he noticed and decided to ignore it. Maybe he thought that she would always forgive him, that no matter what he did Natalya would come back to him, begging for any small piece of love he could give her.

She would. Her lips were pressed on a thin line, fingers trembling in anger. She would always come back, begging for him to love her, to be with her because if not TJ who else would love her?

"I'll let you think about it." She answered, a good feeling in her heart once she looked at his face. "Until you discover don't waste your time on me. Our relationship will be solely business."

He called her name, but Natalya didn't look back. As she walked back to the Divas locker room the Canadian smiled, feeling incredibly good. Who else would love her? She would love herself.

* * *

**vi.**

"Going to the hotel?"

His lips curved on a smile as soon as he saw her. She looked so beautiful, blonde hair over her face as she leaned against his rental, a playful smile on her lips.

"I thought I saw you arrive here with Rosa." He commented when he got closer. It was so difficult to stay on a respectful distance now that he knew how good she tasted, so difficult not to kiss her now that he knew how it was.

"She's out with Paige and Alicia and I just want to get some sleep." She didn't move from his car, blocking his way. "Can you give me a ride?"

Cesaro walked over to the trunk, opening it to store his bag. He raised one arm, gesturing for her to bring hers. "You don't even need to ask."

* * *

**vii.**

Kissing him was easy.

If before Natalya couldn't even think about kissing any other man now she couldn't even think about _not _kissing Cesaro. The way he cupped her face and the way he brushed his fingers through her hair made her tremble, pushing her body forward so he would keep touching her.

"I think we should talk." His voice was hesitant, eyes looking away from her as he sat straight.

He was right, Natalya knew it. They couldn't go on kissing in parking lots, hiding from everyone – if anyone was as smart as Naomi they would soon notice how Natalya's eyes were always looking for Cesaro, how he would always sit closer to her, how they were always talking.

"This," he motioned towards Natalya and back to himself. "What exactly is this?"

People would see it. They would see through the cracks of her marriage and they would realize that Natalya had another reason to smile.

"I don't know." She bit her lower lip, closing her eyes for a second. "All I know is that whatever it is I don't want to give up." It couldn't end, not now that it had just begun.

There was happiness in his voice when he spoke. It was small and he still sounded suspicious, but it was there. "So, what you are saying is…?"

Natalya smiled, unceremoniously grabbing his shirt and kissing him. It was different from before because this time there was something else on that kiss, there was a promise.

"We will find out what this is. Together." She kissed him again just because she wanted to, because she needed to.

* * *

**viii.**

They talked.

The more Natalya talked to Cesaro the more she realized how much she had neglected herself. A marriage should be about two people being partners, not only about one individual. The more they talked the more she understood what had been going on between her and TJ.

It wasn't pretty. It was difficult to look at her past year and see how ugly that relationship had become. There were deep scars that she refused to see, refused to believe they were real because of him, believing he would change, he would be better. She always believed in a better future and forgot to look at the present.

Now, looking at it, Natalya saw the ugliness, the scars and the cracks on the shell of her perfect marriage. There were no fairytales, she learned, all thanks to Cesaro. And she liked him even more for it.

* * *

**ix.**

They sat face to face and she looked at him.

Natalya looked at all the details on his face, a face she spent so many years loving. There was love for him still, they had a story, it was impossible to erase the past, but she wasn't sure about what their present and future would be like.

"You are turning." He said after clearing his throat as if he needed to call her attention, Natalya had been looking at him for the past ten minutes. "Are you happy you're getting more to do this time?" She just shrugged. "Nattie, talk to me, I want to understand what we did wrong."

"We?" She raised an eyebrow, challenging.

"_I,_" TJ corrected. "I want to understand what _I _did wrong. I miss you."

Natalya just looked at him, her face void of expressions. She had changed so much on the prior weeks and he didn't seem to notice. Was it because Cesaro actually paid attention to her? Because he listened to her and asked how she felt?

Maybe. And maybe it wasn't.

"I missed you for so long." She said, a sad smile on her lips. "I waited for you to say it, TJ, I waited for it for months."

"Good! I did it, I just said it. So… How that makes you feel?"

The smile was still on her lips. "It makes me feel nothing."

* * *

**x.**

The complete lack of emotions made the decision easier.

Holding TJ's hand, kissing him after matches, being by his side during interviews, it didn't make her feel anything, not a single thing at all. Natalya was just there, going through the motions, doing what she was told to do, but with no emotional involvement whatsoever.

Yet one look at Cesaro was enough to make her fight a smile, fight the urge to touch him. She knew when he was watching her move around the ring, she felt him looking at her when they were giving interviews; it was difficult to not look back, to not smile and kiss him, but Natalya promised herself one day she would do it all. One day.

* * *

**xi.**

"Do you know what this is?"

His voice startled her and Natalya turned around to look at him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her own feet, she didn't know who long she had been there, staring at nothing in particular.

She blinked, trying to bring herself to the present. The blonde-haired woman knew what he meant and she knew he deserved an honest answer. "I do now."

* * *

**xii.**

"I talked to Mark Carrano today."

Natalya crossed her arms in front of her chest over the table, staring at him. If she looked away, she wouldn't be able to look at his face again and he deserved at least that.

"About what?" TJ looked at her, curious. How long they had been without talking to each other? Natalya counted three weeks, but it could be more, after some time she lost track of it. That part of her who longed for TJ had died somewhere on the road and Natalya didn't make anything to bring it back to life. She didn't want to.

She could see he was stressed, she knew each and every one of his quirks, from the way he moved around the ring to the way he turned his head when he was nervous. "About leaving Total Divas after this season." His eyes grew wider and Natalya knew that he didn't know what to say.

"But that is great for your career Nattie, why would you even do that?" He crooked his head, one hand reaching for hers but Natalya didn't give in. They were past this, _way _past this.

The blonde woman didn't want to touch him. Maybe if she did she would feel doubtful again, she would believe that things would go back to normal, that they still had a chance. There was no such thing as normal for them. Not anymore.

"Because I want to divorce you."

Her voice was soft and yet decided. Natalya had her hands crossed over the table and she looked straight at TJ's eyes. It was different this time, she thought. The first time that word came in between them she could barely look at her husband, she couldn't imagine a life in which TJ wouldn't be there. Now she could do it. Because the thought of living in between fights, humiliation and pain was too much.

There was a long moment of silence and Natalya didn't break it. TJ had to be the one to speak, he had to be the one to say something.

A faint voice in her head was praying for him to ask her for another chance, beg her to stay. But if he didn't do that she would survive. She was unbreakable, not even he could take that away from her – not after everything he had already taken.

"Are you for real now?" He asked, looking more serious than ever. "This… Us… We can't make it work, can we?"

That small part that prayed for a pledge was upset, but Natalya was decided, eyes still on him as she thought about what could be going on inside his mind. Was he planning not to give in? Was he planning to let her go so easily? "I'm afraid so." She answered. "I love you, TJ, and I think I always will, but there's so much pain I can handle."

There was hurt in his eyes, hurt and something else she couldn't understand. He looked away for a second and Natalya asked herself if he too couldn't handle that situation. She closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

And then she realized there were no tears in her eyes, she didn't want to cry. TJ had taken the tears away too.

* * *

**xiii.**

There was silence. Hours of it.

Natalya didn't feel the need to speak, which was something so out of character for her, but she appreciated the lack of words. What could possibly be said anyway? She was there, she had made her choice and she was hurt, of course, but by choosing him the Canadian knew she would get better.

It was a slow process, she knew it. 17 years couldn't be forgotten on a month or two, but gradually her heart would stop waiting for TJ, it would understand that the circumstances changed and they no longer could be together. Little by little her heart would learn to love herself first.

Then, of course, came Cesaro.

"And?" He asked, eyebrows raised on a gesture Natalya knew he was impatient; a couple of months working together and she already knew a lot about him. Maybe she was paying too much attention.

She didn't answer it right away, instead she only smiled, tapping on the place besides her, gesturing for him to come closer. He sat down by her side and Natalya held his hand. Hers seemed small and delicate compared to his, but somehow they just fit.

For her that gesture probably meant a lot more than for him, because it reminded her of the first time she felt something for Cesaro. It wasn't love, not yet, but it was something more than just liking him as a friend. He gave her a comfort she couldn't find anywhere else, not even in one year of marriage and meaningless kisses.

Natalya looked at him, the smile still on her lips. It was so easy to smile when he was around, the way he looked at her was already enough to make her lips curve up and her cheeks become red.

The thought of starting a new relationship was scary, mainly because Natalya had never thought she would need to do it. But life can't be planned and although it hurt and angered her, she couldn't be in control all the time, things were what they were, she had to adapt to them.

She was scared, but not enough not to try it. Looking at their hands she knew it was what she wanted to do it. Maybe she wanted it since the moment they almost held hands, maybe after. She wouldn't know exactly when it dawned upon her, but now, sitting besides Cesaro, holding his hand and looking at him, now she was completely sure of what she wanted.

"A future." She finally answered. "It's a future for us." Simple as that, a future for both of them. When he kissed her Natalya knew that it was just one of the many kisses they would share. For the first time in which seemed like forever she could see a bright future for herself. All because of him.


End file.
